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To Say 'No, But'.... And Still Have Clients Want You
By Marsha Lindquist

Communication with clients is paramount - positive and negative. Everybody knows that.  We'd like to think that in a perfect world we always want to say yes to client requests.  We can't most of the time.  Just occasionally we are asked to do something that just doesn't fit for us. When that happens, do you just do was asked, even if doing so makes you very uncomfortable?  Getting paid to do a project shouldn't be the only motive for satisfying client requests.  The real key to saying no is to do it and still keep the client.

Most of us were brought up to be people pleasers. If you're in the service business as I am and as are many of my clients, saying only yes is an expected reaction to any and all requests.    When we were very small we said no with some regularity. As we grew up we were often taught to not question authority.  Yes started dropping out of our mouths as easily as other words. We were willing to fulfill almost every request.  We have been taught to be very agreeable. Changing that standard is difficult. How about a small shift rather than a major course correction?

If you can answer yes to any of the following conditions, then you may be saying yes too often. You might consider No, .... The No, ... approach is a palatable and constructive alternative to being dogmatic and rigid about your position and it allows the client to focus on your willingness to cooperate and find a solution.

We’ve been taught to be accommodating, to go out of our way for others. It is often difficult to realize that no is an alternative. Saying no can cost a lot in adult life, but when it is selectively applied, saying no pays dividends to our clients, to our self-esteem, and to the people who surround us. Saying no, ... is often healthy.

Signs You Are Saying Yes Too Often
 1. You're becoming overcommitted and find yourself fatigued and stressed
 2. You're dissatisfied with your attitude towards all of your clients
 3. You're missing deadlines
 4. You're being generally unpleasant or silent
 5. You're harboring negative thoughts about the clients who make unreasonable demands of you

 Always saying yes when you really want to say no (sounds like a song title) compromises us. It reinforces the unwanted behavior of those who make unreasonable demands and encourages them to make more.  If you agree to do something when you really want to say no, ...., you will feel resentful throughout whatever you agreed to do. Feeling resentful is never productive -either of relationships or work. Feeling like yes is the only acceptable answer describes a fragile relationship and one dependent on your constant compliance. What an energy drain!

If you repeatedly acquiesce or agree to unreasonable requests, there are some actions you can take. If you've been saying yes for a very long time, just learning to listen to your inner voice about your preferences takes practice and awareness..   What are the concerns we have about saying no, ....?

It's Gonna Hurt
Fear of loss or damage to the relationship is an incredible mountain that gets in the way of saying no.  Because we are trained to generally deliver good news to clients, saying no may feel like it will damage the relationship. We immediately fear losing the client. We might even blow the fear up out of proportion and take a giant leap into thinking that we'll have no means of continuing business. Nothing could be farther from the truth if you handle it the right way. 

Your Feelings Are More Important
We are more concerned and considerate of others than we are of ourselves.  We too often put customer needs first.  If we take that same considerate attitude and apply it to ourselves we find out that what we want most often is to say no, .... Often the best thing for the client is to tell them that what are asking  is not right, or appropriate and, in fact, might better provided by someone else.

Sweet Talk Will Get You Anywhere
We love to be flattered at being asked.  Isn't it great that the client asks us for our advice?  They rely on us for just about everything..   And we think we have to deliver everything.  Yes, it is gratifying to be asked and trusted by our client.  It makes you feel important.  Just because they ask us for our advice and rely on us to respond, does not necessarily mean that we either must be compelled to satisfy all their needs, nor is it wise to attempt to do so.

The Relationship Will Blow Away
Isn't it human nature to think that if we don't serve our clients every time they many never ask us again?  Actually, if we portray our no, ... in the right framework, the client will gain a new respect for us.

 Now that we know the signs that you may be saying yes too often and why that happens, let's look at the flip side - the best reasons I have for saying no, ....

 Marsha's Top Reasons for Saying 'No, But'.?
 1. When it compromises your personal integrity or ethics
 2. When the quality of work will be compromised or results in less than acceptable professional standards for you
 3. When continuing to comply will adversely impact your self-esteem
 4. When the request goes against your company's priorities & strategy
5. When it is inconvenient or regularly takes time away from you or your family

How to Handle a No, ...
When a client makes a request, it is always acceptable to ask for time to think it over.  In thinking it over, remind yourself that the decision is entirely up to you.  It is easier to say yes after you've had time to think it over or you've said no, ... Once you say you want time to think about it, you've sent a particularly strong message to your client - you are deliberate in your thoughts and actions and cannot be pushed around easily and impulsively.  This is extremely important to continuing your relationship with them - respect.

If you believe you need to say no, ..., start your sentence with the word no. It's easier to keep the commitment to yourself if the first word out of your mouth is no.  This has a very strong impact on your client.  They now know you are capable of something other than yes.  They also know you value your time as well as your attention to their issues.

Make sure that your voice is firm and direct. If you are in person, be sure to look into the person's eyes as you say your no, .....and be sure to be ready with an alternative. You may need to persist in saying no, ..., particularly when your client is accustomed to receiving only yes responses from you.  When you are secure and stand your ground, you send a clear message of authority as well as respect for your own beliefs.

My best no, ...response always involves an alternative or two to allow the client to ponder the option solution rather than the one that always involves you.  Sometimes you can not be the solution but you can be the conduit for solutions for your client.

If you are saying no, ...to someone who you would help under different circumstances, use an empathic response to ease the rejection..   No long explanations are necessary.  Just be sure to convey your true feelings and excess words will not be necessary.  Empathize with your client under these situations, and your client will come back to you almost every time.

 Remember that your no, ... is an honorable response. If you decide that this is the answer that you prefer to give, then it is authentic and honest.  Learn to live with it.

Every business today is a relationship business.  When you take action to say no, ..., you are carving out your freedom of action.  You are also making that client relationship work by caring as much for your client as you do for yourself.  Always, be clear on your philosophy of doing business and your strategy and you won't have to struggle with saying no, ...You may find that you have carved a new found path of respect between you and your client. Often the best follow up with clients after you've have said no, ...involves demonstrating caring, asking them about any alternatives presented, and a continuing genuine concern for their needs.  Because you say no, .....from time to time, you will gain respect from your client for both your time and your viewpoints. 

  About the Author
Marsha Lindquist, a business strategist for over 15 years, draws on her proven “down in the trenches” experience, creativity, and participative manner to provide real solutions to businesses to assist them in building and growing their businesses. She is an energetic presenter and is also the Chief Executive Officer of The Management Link, Inc.  As well as being the author of “Why Are You Still Working Your A** Off?”, she has written and published several professional journal articles on business strategy and negotiations.  She can be reached by E-mail at marsha@marshalindquist.com

Marsha Lindquist
Marsha@MarshaLindquist.com
www.MarshaLindquist.com
480-473-9977