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10 Humorous Holiday Helpers
by Marsha Lindquist
Humor is a great way to lighten your load whether you are still frantically shopping for gifts in stores with parking lots, preparing holiday meals in gargantuan quantities for visiting hungry cousin Gomer, or finishing that project before the year end you promised that less-than-appreciative client. You may notice more people are looking for good humor these days….and I'm not talking about the ice cream. It's no wonder we look for ways to laugh around the holidays. We are more relaxed in some ways and have some time to spend with family and friends. At work, we find that our colleagues too are loosening up and having a good time at the annual holiday party.
Here are my ten great ways to relax and find funniness in what is going on. Now sit back, put on your humor cap, and have a warm drink - read these as if they were tabloid headlines. Take one a day and call me in the morning!
1. Rapping with Wrapping. Put on some holiday rap music at a level that only you can stand. Take out all of the holiday wrapping paper and put the rolls on broom sticks or mops and hang them in your work room. RapWrap to your heart's content.
2. Animals Have AIDS. Go to a toy store and buy one of those holiday fake reindeer antlers that fit as a headband or around the neck thing. Place it on the family dog, cat, gerbil, or snake and allow your pet to join in while you adorn the house. Encourage naked animal dancing but be careful around that lit tree.
3. Fruitcake Fanatics Face-off. The quintessential lump of stuff that most people don't eat. If you are looking for the perfect gift for someone who has everything, buy a heavy fruitcake and give it to that special person. Make it a big deal with a great story about how you slaved over making this baby for days. Chopped the fruit by hand, picked the nuts from the pecan trees in Georgia, and milled the flour yourself. Enclose a gift card that you personally made with butter stained fingers.
4. Yule Come Back, Here! Don't you love it when the relatives show up and they stay for more than three days? Here's a way to get them out before they smell like fish. Don't make a good holiday dinner. Follow that by making a lousy holiday breakfast. One of the things we all seem to do is have gobs of food available for everyone to gorge themselves. This season, buy half of what you THINK you need and it will still be too much. Let some things turn blue before you serve them.
5. Slavic Snowmen. You've seen those cute wooden Slavic dolls that nest inside one another. Apply the same design to snowmen making. Don't just be content with one snowman. Build an array of every-increasing size snowmen and line them up going down your driveway. People in New Mexico do this with candles, sand and bags and they call it luminaries. Make your snowmen light up!
6. Throw Down the Oven Mitts. Baking, roasting and sautéing endless numbers of dishes is for those who obviously have lots of time on their hands. I would suggest that you gather your friends together and make only one thing that you love to make - but make lots of it. In the fashion of community cookie making, swap prepared meals, cookies and treats with your friends by taking advantage of what you do best and what everyone else does best too. Make sure you don't confuse the evaporated milk for milk of magnesia though.
7. On Wearing the Traditional Tacky Red Suit. Have you noticed how women are wearing more red now that the holidays are approaching? It's festive and, by the way, makes other women around the red-wearer a little testy. Really. So if you are feeling a little on edge, check out how many traditional red suits surround you during this time.
8. Practice Safe Latke Making. For those of you who make the traditional Chanukah latkes every year, this may not be a warning. Hot oil splatters when you drop watery potatoes into it. My tips for practicing safe latke making are:
- Either start with Russet potatoes or wring out the water from the potatoes in a towel before mixing them with other ingredients.
- When you place the spoonfuls of potato mixture in the hot oil, be sure to avoid doing so from heights of over 6 inches.
-When you turn the latkes, be sure you stand away from the flipping direction and have old cousin Seth stand next to you to catch the grease splash. See number 4 above.
9. Why Barbie Is Really Santa.
She isn't afraid to be seen with all those elves.
She can pack a bag efficiently.
She can do the "Ho Ho Ho" thing and sound seductive.
She can wear red velvet without looking heavy.
She adores stockings.
She answers all of her snail mail, voice mail and e-mail.
She can handle the commitment of being responsible for Christmas.
10. The Elves Get Paid Bupkis. Those elves have been working for old Santa for centuries without a pay raise. Santa doesn't allow them to be unionized. Santa doesn't have a Government contract with a wage determination clause so there is no minimum wage and benefits. They work day and night for months. They are expected to produce gifts that are error free and then Santa gets all the fame along with cookies and milk at each delivery.
About the Author
Marsha Lindquist, a business strategist for over 15 years, draws on her proven “down in the trenches” experience, creativity, and participative manner to provide real solutions to businesses to assist them in building and growing their businesses. She is an energetic presenter and is also the Chief Executive Officer of The Management Link, Inc. As well as being the author of “Why Are You Still Working Your A** Off?”, she has written and published several professional journal articles on business strategy and negotiations. She can be reached by E-mail at marsha@marshalindquist.com
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